i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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