I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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