Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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