You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
