i jhust puked up my retainher.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
