if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
