No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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