I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
In America we eat man semen.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
