chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
