look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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