Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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