I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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