i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
