I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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