I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
