During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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