I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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