I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
