Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Your penis caused this!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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