tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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