Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
