I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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