I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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