Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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