You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
