I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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