too bad you live with your parents still
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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