Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
