Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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