there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
