i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
