I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN