How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.