Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
