Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever