Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
