Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
