somebody snuck up and got me drunk
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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