i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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