if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
