dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
