Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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