if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
