Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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