i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
