I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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