I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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