I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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