if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
