Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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