We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
