I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
