i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
