my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
