I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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