I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
