my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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