God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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