Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That's how pantless uber rides happen
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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