awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
