omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
