His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
