Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
