I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
