oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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