i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
