You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
