So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
