Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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